Jay Holmes's Page

If I were wealthy I would wear a brand new pair of socks every day.

Everything in California is new.

There is nothing better than an old pair of underwear.

Old Like Philadelphia.

Immortal underwear full of magic and truth.

Like an old friend.

The best thing about old friends is they remind you of things about yourself.

Things that can not be washed down the drain.

The best thing about old friends is you can sit in a room with them and not have to say anything.

Not like this poem,

Where… Continue

Every time I open a brand new bar of soap out of the little cardboard box it reminds me of something. I hold it to my nose and inhale deeply. There is something about the soap, a promise. It looks so good. I want to bite into the soap even though I know what will happen. The mind is powerful and can lock away things for a very long time until you open a brand new box of soap.

"Why is my three year old son playing with a Barbie Doll?"

"All kids play with Barbies."

"Boys don't play with Barbie Dolls."

"You probably played with dolls as a kid."

"I played with G.I. Joes and guns."

"What are you getting so defensive about?"

"I'm not getting defensive."

"Are you worried that if your son plays with a Barbie doll he is going to turn out gay? Is that what you're worried about?"

"I'm just saying boys should be playing with trucks and guns."

"You're such a homophobe."… Continue

i know this woman who has two of the ugliest kids i have ever seen, they are little mongoloids. sometimes she will post pictures of them on facebook. women will leave comments using words like cute and adorable. there is nothing cute or adorable about these kids. it's only the women that leave these fake comments. why do women always have to be so phony?

Brian decided to skip the shower in the morning and sleep in for twenty more minutes. He counted off each one in his head and was more tired than ever when the alarm went off again. On the way to work he wanted to drive his sensible vehicle with the 14inch rims into oncoming traffic so he could maybe get some sleep in a hospital bed or a morgue. When he got to work he walked down the halls carrying a machete but nobody felt threatened by him in the least, even when he posted a note on his office… Continue